Intimate Conversations w/Teja Valentin
What is it that we want to say to the world?
The true self begins when we are young children with healthy relationships with our parents but sometimes there are false starts when we feel unsafe or overwhelmed, sometimes even putting a mask on to comply. As far back as I can remember, I always loved my Mom but I also was very scared of her. There was this constant feeling of walking on eggshells. I learned it is safer to keep small and not say anything. However, this did not serve me as an adult. Unfortunately, through our conditioning we end up believing that our False Self is who we are.
“I’m fine” was always my automatic response whenever someone asked how I was as a young girl. I never knew what to say. I was super shy and didn’t really speak much then.. I was always being told to shut up by my mother. Unable to defend myself or speak my mind I learned to stay silent. As I grew to an older child though, it was rude not to respond when adults asked me how I was. My mother told me to just say, “I’m fine.” It served me for some years but before I knew it all the years of shutting myself down began to create dis-ease.
After the birth of my first child, I discovered a lump by my throat, thinking nothing of it I went to the doctor expecting him to give me an antibiotic. Instead, he sent me to see a surgeon for a biopsy. I was told I had metastatic thyroid cancer. I did not even know what a chakra was but I did my research and immediately I knew the connection…a very weak fifth or throat chakra.
Throat Chakra - Talent of Truth
The Fifth Chakra lies in the area of the throat and deals with creative expression and communication. Includes the area of the neck, shoulders, mouth, jaw, nose, and ears.
The point of your projection, initiation. This center basically begs the question- What is it that we want to say to the world?
I did not realize at the time that I even had a message for the world. Who was I? Who did I think I was to raise my voice and be heard?
After the diagnosis, I didn’t feel anything. I didn’t get angry, sad, or happy. I was flat… numb barely existing. There was a constant sense of numbness inside where it was easy to hide without knowing it. My marriage quickly became a very slow ride to the end.
Looking back I realized I was playing out a similar dynamic with my husband. When I moved in with my then fiancé, I was told to not leave any of my personal belongings out in the apartment because in case his parents came for an unexpected visit we wouldn’t be caught “living in sin.”
Once again, I was told to not let myself be seen or heard. Playing small was safe.
These patterns continued in our marriage. Husband and wife now became roommates. Our marriage began to feel like a lie. The pretending to be okay, keeping up the facade of a seemingly perfect marriage and life. It felt like a weight, a really heavy coat that I desperately wanted to take off but couldn’t.
Being authentic meant being considered a bit “Woo Woo” by general public and my family but still I hid. However, without even trying a tribe started to form … a tribe of fellow Woo Wooers! I no longer felt I had to hide -at least not from them. My whole world was beginning to change. It was like living in a black and white TV screen and I changed the channel to full technicolor channel!
I can count many examples of this through our 25 years together. It wasn’t until I discovered Reiki and Kundalini that I began to heal. Literally, after 2 months of practicing kundalini yoga and 15 years of ongoing surgeries, radioactive iodine, pain, and fatigue I was cancer free! My energy returned and I was beginning to feel alive! When we peel off our masks, we begin to heal. Healing can occur when we reconnect with our true self and find our freedom of expression. This is often a place of vulnerability. Sometimes giving up the perfect life allows us to have an authentic lived life.
As I began to focus on myself I realized how unsatisfied I was.. Something was missing…that something was love. Initially, my thinking was that I needed to find love outside of myself in a new relationship. What I discovered was what I really needed was to learn how to love myself. This means to not only love me but to accept all parts of myself as I am.
Through the divorce, I finally found my voice. It was hard but for the first time I got angry! I made myself heard. Divorce made me stronger. I had to be my own advocate and literally speak up for myself. I moved out of the house and for the first time in a long time I felt I had a purpose. I was starting to live my Truth. I already knew what my weaknesses were and now it was time
I had to lean into my own strengths. I healed myself once already but could I do it again?
Could I really allow myself to be seen and my voice to be heard? Can I love myself the way I desperately needed to? …And show others how to do this?? I didn’t know this was a dream of mine until I actually just started doing it. There wasn’t a job out there that I would totally be satisfied with to fill me with my purpose to help other women come into their own power.
During Covid, I joined an online coaching program to become a Love, Sex, and Relationship Coach to help heal myself of my own disempowered attitude towards sex and self-love which I realized I desperately needed. Connecting with my sexuality felt like a key to opening the doors of this new untapped potential. The passion I felt was not just for love but for life. This beautiful experience gave me the confidence I needed to make some strides in reclaiming my sexuality and liberating the shame and unworthiness in relationships and in myself.
Doing this work I discovered there is a direct correlation between the 5th chakra and 2nd chakra centers- the voice and the Yoni (vagina). In a female embryo the vocal cords and ovaries are one organ that later splits into two as the embryo develops. The word “cervix” comes from the Latin word for neck, and both the vagina and the throat are supported by a hammock-like set of diaphragmatic muscles which move in tandem with respiration.
The physical connection between the vagina and the throat is the vagus nerve, which is the largest nerve in the body, connecting the brainstem to the sacral nerve plexus. Recent research shows that this nerve does in fact go to the cervix and uterus and probably the vagina. The vagus nerve activates the parasympathetic nervous system and is therefore able to send a sigh of relief throughout the entire nervous system. The vagus nerve is stimulated through a number of means including diaphragmatic breathing. Deep breathing with vocalisation enhances our sexual pleasure. When someone is fully in their voice they are often also fully in their sexuality. Identifying a dissociation between the two can be a great first step in building greater capacity for expression, communication and pleasure. No wonder having fulfilling sex life is so healing!
Going through my coaching program, using the same methods that I now teach I discovered empowered and disempowered parts of myself that I didn’t even know existed. I sent love to my wounded Inner Child, I celebrated my priestess energy and did many integration practices to soothe my nervous system. I feel more whole now. I can now say I love myself and really mean it. The work that I do is Life Fueling! I have trust in myself and am ready for my Truth to be heard because I know now what it feels like to have my yoni and my throat connected to my heart. Ridding the old stories and beliefs I become a clear voice, clear heart, and clear channel.
I share my story to let other women (and men) know they are not alone. Please do not suffer quietly. Pleasure is your birthright. Life will continually challenge us but it is our choice to show up or give up. Passion is the opening to living life fully tapped in and turned on. Today is just the beginning... Beginning your quest for your most authentic self is the surest path to happiness.
Intimate Conversations Workshop w/Teja
Registration is open for Teja's workshop on March 14, "Intimate Conversations Coaching."
You can find out more about Teja by visiting her website: http://tejavalentin.com
Teja is a Love, Sex & Relationship Coach, Kundalini Yoga Teacher and Healer and Lover of the Mystic. Her thirst for growth and self-actualization fuels the ability to facilitate growth and actualization in others- body, mind, spirit. Through her non-judgmental and receptive spirit, lighthearted and playful, yet respectful of the serious and sacred, she helps empower you to reclaim your pleasure, passion and vitality.